Spanners vs Ubumbo Pre-match Report

With only three weeks until the Spanners face Ubumbo, the tools need to consolidate. This match will prove to be very important as it determines who we play in the semi-final. The team who places first in pool A will play 4th place team in pool B, second place in pool A will play third place in pool B. So, if we beat Ubumbo with a bonus point and the Cobras score no points, then we will finish second in our pool which means we play 3rd place in pool B. However, if I'm wrong, which is unlikely, then just blame Chase-Face.

Anyway, enough of the math. Lets try predict who will win...

SPANNERS vs UBUMBO

Names:
Spanners - This conjures up images of strength and brawn. It sounds like a cold-blooded team.
Ubumbo - I have no idea what this means; I don't speak Zulu.
Advantage - Spanners


Vowel-To-Consonant Ratio:
Spanners - 33%
Ubumbo - 50%
Advantage - Ubumbo


Curative Ability:
Does either team cure kwashiorkor, rickets or AIDS?

Spanners - possibly kwashiorkor and probably AIDS (Chase's god-father is a theatrical)
Ubumbo - possibly kwashiorkor, but may cause AIDS
Advantage - Spanners


Google Fights:

Spanners get all the babes - 158,000 results
Ubumbo get all the babes - 6 results

Spanners are immune to STDs - 2,410 results
Ubumbo are immune to STDs - Zero results (oh dear)

Spanners have a chance with the Olsen Twins - 35,300 results (plus 12 scholarly articles)
Ubumbo have a chance with the Olsen Twins - Zero results
Spanners win 3-0


Virtual Coin Toss - Best of 5:
Using the "random" coin toss generator at Random.org
Spanners take heads, Ubumbo on tails.

Results: H, T, T, H, T
Advantage - Ubumbo


Ice Cream Flavour:
Would you eat ice cream that was:
Spanner flavour - No, I quite like not having heavy metal syndrome.
Ubumbo flavour - No, I'd rather not. Now fuck off.
Advantage - Tie


SPANNERS WIN 3-2.


So there you have it. However, we need to work hard if we want this to reflect in reality (and not on my laptop). So we ask (forcefully) all Spanners to be at the following practices:

Wednesday 23rd July @ 16:00 on UCT main fields
Wednesday 30th July @ 16:00 on UCT main fields
Sunday 3rd August @ 14:00 on UCT main fields

Having practices on a Wednesday means most people should be able to be there. Let us know if you have a better idea (unlikely). There will also be some less formal touch sessions leading up to the Ubumbo match...

Now for the closing note. Cobras have "Oh so brave"... Nadoes have "U cha cha"... and now the Spanners have their own:


Let's go fuck them up. Yeah.