Spanners have beat, the Nadoes

Just so you know, we downloaded "beat" which is the fourth single released by Japanese pop singer Kaela Kimura, so if you want a copy just ask one of the Spanners because we have it. In completely and utterly unrelated sequence of thought, the Spanners played the Nadoes on this past rainy Wednesday night. Predicted to be the toughest game of the season, the result was nothing to look down upon. Once the final whistle was blown, the not-scoreboard read 10-5 to the Nadoes which resulted in the Spanners earning an important bonus point.

Turns out the Tornadoes were not a hugely destructive force capable of devastating entire populations as they continuously claim. Rather, the net effect of the Tornadoes would be more appropriately compared to something generated by a manually-powered food processor, such as the Twista by Verimark. If you ever missed a day of school, you would have witnessed Isabel Jones selling this piece of shit on m-net with the help of that horrifically obnoxious, and impotent, Chef Keith. Anyway, the point is that the score was predicted to resemble something from an NBA match, but was denied through some determination by the Spanners.

After finding a referee, the match was underway and the Spanners got off to a hesitant start as a syndrome commonly referred to as "I have no idea what to expect from our opposition" materialised. To be honest, I often don't remember much from matches (which is why I write so much shit), but we seemed to be coping against the Nadoes. This said, the first twenty minutes were the most tiring moments of my entire life. I believe this could be said for several players from both sides as at one point the rugby field mimicked scenes from the Vietnam War with bodies lying lifelessly in the mud. The Nadoes were 10-0 up before Captain Morgan scored a try for the Spanners thanks to some awesome multiphase work by many a spanner.

One aspect where we could improve, especially against these top teams, is structured line defense. It's all very well telling the wings to inform the rest of the backline about overlaps, but that means nothing if the entire backline doesn't commit. The way I see it, as a wing loosing his voice, it's all about liability. The second centre won't shift if it means that a gap is created between him and the first centre, otherwise he will be blamed for a line-break. This effect continues all the way to the flyhalf. That said, I am not saying they are wrong for doing that, quite the opposite.

I propose we practice some channel rugby (like 7's) with the whole team. If the flyhalf is able to fully trust his loose forwards in tackling anything that comes between him and the forwards pack, then the entire backline will confidently shift over, thus negating any overlaps. Think of it as foosball - they stay in their own channels. Now, I am not suggesting we impale our players with enormous iron rods or drive giant screws through our chests, we just need to engage in a more structured channel defense vibe thing.

You may have noticed that our website was recently hacked by someone. More oddly, the perpetrators left their mark by inserting a rather odd video that features Number 21. Since then, we have learnt that this hack was performed by the notorious "28 gang" who are, according to Nicci, synonymous with homosexual sodomy. At this time, we are not sure if this video was filmed under the duress of the 28 gang or if they had some other role in the making of this perturbing footage. Probably the most troubling is the choice of music which critics would argue should have featured something more upbeat, perhaps a little number such as "You're So Vain" by Carly Simon would have been a bit more appropriate. Personally, if I frolic naked around in my room to the lasted Nelly Furtado tune, I make sure there are no cameras around (besides of course the one my step-dad prohibits me from removing).

SPOTTED!
This week we obtained a sneaky photo of 101kg guy (formerly known as 108kg guy) at the SEXPO, clearly eyeing out a dildo or two. "Spotted" is actually something the Nadoes do, which is to be expected from a huge organisation like theirs (they have AGM's for fucks sake). It's all very well having a closely knit sports club, but after all you're just exactly that, a sports club, not a social movement. You may have the biggest following, but take that a step further and before you know it, you'll be ingesting cyanide moments before your cult-style suicide is complete - just like Heaven's Gate. Those mentals believed that mass suicide would allow their souls to board a spaceship which they believed to be hiding behind the Hale-Bopp comet. Not kidding. It's on Wikipedia

So that's that. We're halfway through the 2008 season. Spanners are in the Cup Competition and may even make the quarter finals if we beat Ubumbo next term (with a bonus point). When I realised that, I was filled with emotions that I just didn't understand. I am not going to go into details, but basically I needed to remain seated for a moment and imagine awful thoughts of Kelly Osbourne naked.

Next match is against Ubumbo on the 6th August, but we'll be keeping active 'til then. Good luck with your exams... although they don't actually matter; if you fail them, you can always just play UCT Internal League for the rest of your life - the Nadoes do it.