Spanner In The Works

Like our french counterparts who caused mayhem by throwing their sabots into heavy machinery, we too have been causing quite a stir of late. Well actually, we're nothing like those gender-ambiguous fags. I mean really, who the fuck decided to wear shoes made of wood? Anyway, the point is that the Spanners have put last year behind them and managed to secure yet another win. This time it was Marquard who fell victim to the Spanners.

This was a very important win for us. It means we finish 2nd in our pool thus securing a place in the Cup Competition, but more importantly, it awards us priceless street cred amongst the middle and lower campus residentials. Beating Kopano and Marquard gives us "ownership" of Tugwell, Grace Machel and Baxter Hall. Now if you possess a stalker rating of 2.0 or above, then you'll know that ownership of Baxter Hall is something worth keeping. Holla Baxter!

Spanners put the first seven points on the board with the help of Richard, or Man-Bear-Horse as he is more commonly known. Half man, half bear-horse; he certainly would give Al Gore a run for his money. MBH slotted into the number thirteen position incredibly well and his crash-balls simply could not be stopped. Twice during the game he ran beyond the white line, securing both our tries. A converted penalty during the game brought the final score to 15-5.

As I mentioned earlier, the Spanners have secured 2nd position in round one which means a position in the Cup Competition. The league of sixteen teams has been broken into two smaller leagues of eight each; top half fight for the Cup, while the lower eight teams play for the Plate. While this is an awesome feat, it does come with some baggage in the form of aches and pains. This is because we have been drawn against the Nadoes, Cobras and Ubumbo. If this means nothing to you, then understand that they came first, second and third overall last year, respectively. For this reason, I did some research and discovered our holy grail...

That is Danie Gerber. He played outside centre for the Boks from 1980 to 1992 and was amazing. Strong as an ox, fast as a gazelle and possessed a sidestep that could even beat Bono's aura of obnoxiousness. Just take a look at this video. Real swell, huh? If we are to show those aforementioned teams a thing or two, then we are going to have to bulk up and become more like Danie Gerber. With only a week until we face the Cobras, it all seems a bit out of reach. But last night, I had an epiphany...

We need to eat Danie Gerber. I know what you're thinking - I too thought it was an impossibility, not to mention illegal and inhumane. But leave it up to our Polish friends to come up with a solution...

It turns out that they have been putting Danie Gerber in a blender for years now. The only difference is that they feed mashed up Danie to their babies (which would explain all things Szymon). For this reason, I have ordered a consignment of processed Danie Gerber for the Spanners to feed upon.

So our next game is on 14th May against the Cobras on field B at 18:30. After last weeks lack of scantily cladness from the cheerleaders, I have been assured that this week will be quite the opposite. Otherwise I know of a very nice man living in Austria who would gladly welcome them into his humble abode.

Here are some tidbits to keep you informed:

Round One Results: 9th April | 16th April | 23rd April | 30th April
Current Log after Round One

Round Two Pools
Round Two Match Fixtures: 14th May | 21st May | 6th August | 13th August

[Oh, and listen to this]